He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
