my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
