Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Shame - the story of my life.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
