Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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