I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
More tranny stories later!
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
