So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
