Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
