If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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