bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
