At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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