Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
