she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He better not be in your backpack
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
