I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
