how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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