The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
