I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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