The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
