I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
