But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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