Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
