Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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