Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
