I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
