I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize