One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
