we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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