screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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