I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
