God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
