so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
