I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
