Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
