I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
