he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Randomize