people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
