well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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