I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You did what with his pubic hair?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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