If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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