i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
