She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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