I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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