You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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