You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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