happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
