Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
