I'd wear matching sweaters with you
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
