When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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