kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
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