Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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