So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
