I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
