I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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