Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
