FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
