and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
