doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
