hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
