My friends, they love my intelligence
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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