I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
being pregnant is like rehab
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
