I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Girls should come with a carfax report
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize