left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
