I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
